Sta.sh
A whisper, in cold skies of old, dying stars
Is heard, and their lingering death
With not one regret turns and scatters in waste,
As realms of shattered humanity haste
To live and to burn out their breath.
Yet soon there's a scream, a small cry of despair
That binds all the skies to avail,
And one daring soul stands behind to convey
His wish to unravel all living dismay,
To bury his past and prevail.
And thus it begins, as no man can escape
The sweet domination of want,
While stars burn and shine, for so he allows,
The master of wishes that hastily vows
To bring forth desires to grant.
But no man can endure the cruel truth behind,
The wasteland of the human fate,
As all exploration of such fragile minds
Leads only to nothing, and all that it finds
Are fragments of wishes and hate.
And so he remains, whose new story of life
Has neither a middle nor end.
For stars will grow cold and will wantonly die
When wishes are old, while humanity’s lie
Of life will no longer commend.
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Prettyflour here on behalf of
This poem has a darkness that I like. The third stanza was my favorite, these lines especially:
While stars burn and shine, for so he allows,
The master of wishes that hastily vows
To bring forth desires to grant.
Also, kudos on the structuring in this poem. It's not a form I see a lot of, and I found that the rhythm and flow worked very nicely. Your rhyming was clever too.
Overall, a great read. Well done!
I can honestly say I find nothing here that is critiquable. This poem is well written and you convey youe message clearly and smoothly. The only thing I can find to critique here is the category in which you placed this piece. I feel obligated to say that this is Technically not a Free Verse Poem, but rather a fixed form. The main way to tell the difference between fixed and free, is that free verse typically doesn't follow a structure or rhyme scheme. Beyond that, this was a very solid piece. Well done!
As all exploration of such fragile minds
Leads only to nothing, and all that it finds
Are fragments of wishes and hate. - my favourite bit. Gave me those shivers you get when you read something really good.